I could begin this by sharing my friends opinion of opinions, but I won't. I begin this by saying, I was raised by a very loving mother. A turn the other cheek, be kind to your neighbor,blah blah blah. I was taught that. I was also raised by a very opinionated aunt who when she saw something that she didn't like or something wrong, you knew where she stood. Not that my mother didn't, but it was more a at home thing, where as my aunt let it be known wherever. I love them both and I love that I was taught by both of them. So, by now I have made a situation very clear that happened to one of our children on Sunday. She was told that what she was wearing to church was not appropriate. That they felt that she should wear not leggings to church and instead wear a longer dress. But it's not only this one person, but a few others that have given their opinions. I say given , because I nor any other member of family ASKED for what has been said to us on a variety of subjects. ( I guess that they just felt like we needed it whether or not we wanted it) So this has me asking the question: to confront or not confront. I do not like to confrontation. I would rather just belly ache at home until my family says stop, but this time I am really just fed up to here( yes, that high)about others expressing unwanted opinions. Nobody asks so don't give it. Now the thing is everyone when I tell what happens says "Oh that's just her." or "She's just that way."or "they don't mean anything by it." Really?... Well, guess what my friends, I am just this way. I am just the way of keep your mouth shut, keep your opinion of my 10 year old to your self. Is she rude, is she irreverent, is she a problem....NO!!! Do you tell a child your grown up opinion and embarrass her? NO!!! Now, I do like opinions and yes people can have there's....to me. To me who then can take what you say and use it or lose it. Who can understand where you are coming from as a adult. Who can understand that some adults are "just that way". But when an adult shares an opinion to a child who has been taught not to talk back and respect her elders., that is just plain unfair. So she then comes to me and I think..ok, do I become the mama bear with claws or the turn the other cheek woman? I guess I am gearing toward the turn the other cheek..until next time, which I am sure that knowing these people...it will happen. And then I guess others will say about me, " that's just her."
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hmmm...this IS a tough one. generally i always just hold my tongue and talk to your daughters about, hmm...people and the way they are??
ReplyDeletei'm kind of intrigued as of who it is, but then i don't want to know because then i'll be judging them. but if someone told my 10 year old her clothing was innapropriate at church IN CHURCH, i would not be cool with that. i probably would ask them to direct their concerns to me as i don't want my children not feeling welcome and at home in the ward.
but i don't know anything about anything, so pray, and pray, and pray some more. you'll do the right thing : )
OK...I feel like I have to chime in here. As a kid who received some pretty brutal crap from my own ward that caused a huge amount of resentment and anger that I am still learning to overcome, you have a responsibility as her mother to stick up for her. My mom avoided the confrontation and I have had to deal with the resentment from that as well. It's not easy and I don't feel horrible toward my mom because her intent was to do what she felt was right, but she tells me now that she would have confronted the people and let them know their behavior is not correct, and is not appreciated. When I was told I wasn't worthy to pass the sacrament because I didn't wear a white shirt to church, it pissed me off and I made sure I wore black shirts. NOBODY has the right to judge and tell someone else what they can and can't wear to church, and she needs to be put in her place. Don't be bitchy, but be very firm and very direct with diplomacy and let her know that you are not ok with her actions, and they are not christlike in any way, and that if the lady has a problem with what your children are wearing, she needs to talk to you if it bothers her so much that she feels compelled to pass judgement on others. Stuff like this just pisses me off because it is really a HUGE problem. Church should NEVER be a place where anyone feels worse by attending because of other people. Stand up for her and confront this woman, and let her know you won't put up with that kind of behavior from an adult toward ANY child, especially your own.
ReplyDeleteI'm like Annie! I wanna know who it was! But then again, I don't! If I was put in that situation I think I would have to say something in a very calm way. I have a few ideas of who would have the audacity to say something like that, and I think your probably right, they will definitely put their foot in the mouth again. Just know, that your kids are AWESOME! Every single one of them! They are so original and sweet and just plain lovely! Just like their Mom!
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